An Essential Recipe

Caleb Chow writes:

This is a simple yet extremely important recipe that keeps our Area K Supervisor employed. Every morning at 11am we have fruit break and during this time, a particularly important individual always—and I repeat, always—arrives precisely at the same time during the break and expects a specific tribute. If for some reason our Area tribute is not presented or not pleasing, there will be death and destruction with weeping and gnashing of teeth.

The offering is simple: Tel Megiddo Coffee. The recipe is as follows:

-One large bag of instant coffee

-Sugar from a Ziploc bag (use sugar sparingly and adjust as necessary.)

-One pint of well water from the Tel (hopefully not contaminated…or at least not noticeably so)

-Dirt–Not too fine, not too coarse, not too much, not too little. Just a pinch for an entire large pot’s worth of Megiddo Coffee. This part is absolutely essential; usually the wind and the Tel itself should suffice, but make sure.

-A hair from the coffee maker’s head (ensure that it is present, but not visible!!)

-Milk/cream is optional, depending on the mood of the VIP. If you have some, offer it.

When all ingredients are properly mixed, pour the contents into a disposable cup. Present the offering to Dr. Finkel—er, the VIP with gratitude, and on your knees if he seems angry. Then and only then will the Area Supervisor be able to work another day…and perhaps live.

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One Response to “An Essential Recipe”

  1. AAHHHH Terrible, fatal mistake on my part!!

    The offering must not contain milk or cream! Do not put it in!!!!!!!!

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